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Thread: Smile

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Nottingham
    Posts
    485

    Default Smile

    I know that some of these are old but they still made me smile after a long day at work.

    GCSE Answers


    The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)

    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
    A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

    Q. How is dew formed
    A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
    A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

    Q. What happens to your body as you age
    A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

    Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    A. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination
    A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

    Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
    A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

    Q. What is the fibula?
    A. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    A. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure?
    A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

    Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

    Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
    A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

    Q. What is a turbine?
    A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
    Annie xXx

    All things are possible - if you look at them the right way!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Rushden, Northamptonshire
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Oh Annie - they brought a smile to my face. Aren't teenagers wonderful!
    Anne

    Feel the fear, and do it anyway!
    Blog: http://www.whiteoakjewellery.blogspot.com/
    Website: http://www.whiteoakjewellery.co.uk

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    567

    Default

    My son is in the middle of his mock GCSEs. If he pulls a stunt like this he is for it!!
    J x

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Derbyshire
    Posts
    466

    Default

    My son finished his mocks last week, gawd it was torturous !!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    567

    Default

    I'm trying to go a little bit easy and save the big guns for next summer
    But, yes, he is being a cocky little bugger!
    J x

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Rye Foreign, East Sussex
    Posts
    2,226

    Default

    i needed that thank you
    Su' xx

    My FB fanpage -https://www.facebook.com/CintaHandCraftedJewellery
    My Website www.cintahandcraftedjewellery.co.uk

    I want to learn so much, and i want to know it all NOW!!!:p

    One day i will arrive

    A huggle a day makes the bad stuff go away

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,453

    Default

    one of the questions i was asked in my History O level was where was the Magna Carta Signed go on guess what my answer was shouldent take you long?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Rye Foreign, East Sussex
    Posts
    2,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Emerald View Post
    one of the questions i was asked in my History O level was where was the Magna Carta Signed go on guess what my answer was shouldent take you long?
    at the bottom of the page?
    Su' xx

    My FB fanpage -https://www.facebook.com/CintaHandCraftedJewellery
    My Website www.cintahandcraftedjewellery.co.uk

    I want to learn so much, and i want to know it all NOW!!!:p

    One day i will arrive

    A huggle a day makes the bad stuff go away

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,453

    Default

    hole in one Su needless to say i dident pass....bothered

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Buckingham
    Posts
    907

    Default

    They made me chuckle out loud so I had to read them to hubby cos he wanted to know what was so funny...

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